I now find myself in a bad position. I'm praying for things that no one should ever pray for. For the last few weeks I've actually been praying to die, if things don't change. I've come the realization that I've failed everyone; my parents, the few friends remaining, my best friend, and myself. I pray for a miracle but one won't come. I don't know what to do anymore. The thing that I want the most doesn't seem to accept me, no matter how hard I try. I always try to show myself worthy to it, but it won't take me. I've tried for years now to change my life in every form, just to be worthy of it, and yet, it doesn't choose me from the many options it has. I use to feel like I had a purpose, but now, it seems that I don't have any real hope for the future that I want, and no purpose. I just can't take this anymore. I don't know what to do.